elevenelevenxo

i'm psyching myself out about coppertop farms. i keep thinking it's above my level. it's definitely out of my comfort zone, but that's not always a bad thing. in fact, stepping outside of that comfort zone is something i need to do more.

but aside from that, jamie said she can't really pay someone money right now, but would give me a stall or let me free lease one of her horses, or half lease the other if the first didn't work out. she said it costs her about $200/mo to take care of one horse. which is way higher than i estimated in taking care of missy, for example. i can't figure out what would cost that much.....

now i'm thinking maybe it's not a good direction to go. maybe i need to lay off the idea of owning or even leasing a horse right now and go back to focusing on lessons. my friend vicky has a good jumping instructor and said if i take lessons with her and her friend alyssa, it would only cost $35/hr. i could do that every week instead. then i'd have more time to focus on school.....i'd be saving more money for when i can get a horse of my own.....and i wouldn't feel so out of my element in going from a primarily pleasure horse environment to a little bit of a step up from that to small time hunters.

i'll admit, a big part of it is i simply don't want to wake up early tomorrow morning. i'm exhausted and i've been looking forward to this weekend and being able to sleep in. sunday jeff is coming up from cinci so i won't be able to sleep at all then.......................maybe what i really need is a break. my apartment is a wreck, i've been neglecting spending time with my dogs (and kiera's been acting accordingly.....been extra barky and neurotic...), obviously i've neglected school.... i wish it would all balance out, but it's not and something needs to give. maybe it's horses, at least for a while.

thinking about having to handle that one gelding really freaks me out. the one that'll bite and strike out "playfully." i'm not in a position to handle a horse like that. absolutely not. i think that would ruin all the work i've done to overcome some of my confidence issues.

another thing to keep in mind is the fact that the farm is for sale. granted, in this economy, it's not going to be moving anytime soon, but still. what if i'm out there for a few months, i get my own horse, things are going well....and then someone comes in and buys it and i have to go elsewhere? what if i couldn't find a place to work in exchange for board and the only places that are affordable to me are full? not good.

i think i definitely would learn a lot at this place, but.....maybe now just isn't the right time. when the weather is bad it's not like i'll be able to call and say i won't be out - jamie lives in marysville and told me i'd usually be out there by myself working (another fact that makes me scared about handling that gelding).

and finally, i really enjoyed the social aspect of wilson hill. i liked meeting everyone and riding with other people, and it being so casual and laid back. this place, it's not as busy since there's only one boarder right now. and it IS a breeding/training facility, so i have a feeling things will be much more business like rather than casual. jamie was very nice, but there sure was a lot of mentioning about dollar signs and winter/summer homes and such.... so maybe it really just isn't the right place for me right now.

UGH. well, i better make up my mind within the next few minutes.....i'm thinking no. i'll shoot her an e-mail and just explain myself so i'm not a complete douche and a no-show tomorrow morning.

i'm probably blowing something here, but....yeah. i just have one of those gut feelings. a very nervous and anxious one....and it's not the normal pre-new barn butterflies that i tend to get when i ride in front of people for the first time. it's the very uncomfortable kind. :(