space stations and rocketships

Sat, 13 Dec 2008 04:34:51 GMT

i'm psyching myself out about coppertop farms. i keep thinking it's above my level. it's definitely out of my comfort zone, but that's not always a bad thing. in fact, stepping outside of that comfort zone is something i need to do more.

but aside from that, jamie said she can't really pay someone money right now, but would give me a stall or let me free lease one of her horses, or half lease the other if the first didn't work out. she said it costs her about $200/mo to take care of one horse. which is way higher than i estimated in taking care of missy, for example. i can't figure out what would cost that much.....

now i'm thinking maybe it's not a good direction to go. maybe i need to lay off the idea of owning or even leasing a horse right now and go back to focusing on lessons. my friend vicky has a good jumping instructor and said if i take lessons with her and her friend alyssa, it would only cost $35/hr. i could do that every week instead. then i'd have more time to focus on school.....i'd be saving more money for when i can get a horse of my own.....and i wouldn't feel so out of my element in going from a primarily pleasure horse environment to a little bit of a step up from that to small time hunters.

i'll admit, a big part of it is i simply don't want to wake up early tomorrow morning. i'm exhausted and i've been looking forward to this weekend and being able to sleep in. sunday jeff is coming up from cinci so i won't be able to sleep at all then.......................maybe what i really need is a break. my apartment is a wreck, i've been neglecting spending time with my dogs (and kiera's been acting accordingly.....been extra barky and neurotic...), obviously i've neglected school.... i wish it would all balance out, but it's not and something needs to give. maybe it's horses, at least for a while.

thinking about having to handle that one gelding really freaks me out. the one that'll bite and strike out "playfully." i'm not in a position to handle a horse like that. absolutely not. i think that would ruin all the work i've done to overcome some of my confidence issues.

another thing to keep in mind is the fact that the farm is for sale. granted, in this economy, it's not going to be moving anytime soon, but still. what if i'm out there for a few months, i get my own horse, things are going well....and then someone comes in and buys it and i have to go elsewhere? what if i couldn't find a place to work in exchange for board and the only places that are affordable to me are full? not good.

i think i definitely would learn a lot at this place, but.....maybe now just isn't the right time. when the weather is bad it's not like i'll be able to call and say i won't be out - jamie lives in marysville and told me i'd usually be out there by myself working (another fact that makes me scared about handling that gelding).

and finally, i really enjoyed the social aspect of wilson hill. i liked meeting everyone and riding with other people, and it being so casual and laid back. this place, it's not as busy since there's only one boarder right now. and it IS a breeding/training facility, so i have a feeling things will be much more business like rather than casual. jamie was very nice, but there sure was a lot of mentioning about dollar signs and winter/summer homes and such.... so maybe it really just isn't the right place for me right now.

UGH. well, i better make up my mind within the next few minutes.....i'm thinking no. i'll shoot her an e-mail and just explain myself so i'm not a complete douche and a no-show tomorrow morning.

i'm probably blowing something here, but....yeah. i just have one of those gut feelings. a very nervous and anxious one....and it's not the normal pre-new barn butterflies that i tend to get when i ride in front of people for the first time. it's the very uncomfortable kind. :(

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 01:58:55 GMT

i can't do this.
everyone says it'll just take time and he'll come around.

but i don't know.

this is killing me.

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 01:44:42 GMT

so.....i've been riding a 17 year old grey 16hh thoroughbred named simon. he's a spitfire and FRESH as HELL due to inconsistent riding on his owner's part for the last several years....he's sound and doesn't even look like he's as old as he is. his owner actually offered him to me....for free....but unfortunately i'm just not in the position to have a horse right now. i can't afford monthly board and payments on a new car when i get one....and sadly the car takes priority.

but....i don't know how much longer i'll be riding him. he's a bit much for me....he's thrown me bucks and even a small rear the other day when she and her other horse, sean, cantered up behind us. i can handle him, but i don't think i'm confident enough to do it effectively and if anything, he's just making me more nervous. i don't want to end up afraid of riding and i have one of those gut feelings that it's an accident waiting to happen. as of right now, there's only pasture to work in.....she's building an arena but it won't be finished until july or august. there's no round pen....no real safe area to work with him. and she insists on riding with me. i think she really wants a riding buddy....but see, part of why he's a handful is he feeds off of sean who is a 12 year old OTTB....she says he's green, but she's had him since he came off the track at 7 years old. so far, based on how i've seen her interact with them and what she lets them get away with, i'm willing to bet he's just a spoiled shit who isn't green, but rather thinks he's the boss of her. he's bitten her twice that i've been out there...the first time she's like, "he's never done that before!!" but he did it again a couple days later....so i don't know. i'm going to ride simon a few more times and see how things progress. if it continues like it's been thus far, i'm going to just say thank you but i can't ride him. it's not good for me nor is it good for him.

i want to get some tattoos......i'm getting kiera's paw print on my wrist. and i want swallows on my chest. need to figure out what i want between them though. and i want the line, "i finally know now what i should've known then," (from "ruthless" by soco) somewhere...not sure where. i want a piece that goes down my back and ribs....either stars or willow leaves....yeah.... just gotta figure out the money thing. i have a ton in savings right now, but that's car money. hopefully i get what i was told the amount of damage was to my car....$1400....if so, i'll be using a good chunk of that for ink. plus then $600 from the gov't in may.....yeah.

i should donate eggs. hahahaha. seriously though, i've thought about it. you can get a lot of money for it......i just don't know if i want little spawn of me running around all over the country.... o_O

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 17:22:46 GMT

ahhhh my lesson went so well. i did a lot better than i thought i was going to....granted, a lot of that had to do with the horse. jinxie - a totally adorable chestnut quarter horse. she's kinda small for a qh, but she moves really nicely and is SO responsive. and especially for someone like me, she's really smooth....normally she's a western pleasure horse, so she's got those really smooth slow gaits....which is good for me since i'm not used to posting and diagonals and a teensy tiny saddle lol. but her slow trot made posting kinda hard....i'll work on it.

i'm really happy though. the people i met were super nice, the barn's nice, they have an indoor, and the lessons are private and ONLY $20 for an hour. i felt like i learned more today than i did in all my previous lessons combined. so....awesome. yeah, it's a little further than i'd like to drive, but you win some and you lose some.

yay! i did walk/trot/canter, lunged her, did some balancing exercises.....i feel really good. it's so much nicer to walk away from a ride, whether it's a lesson or not, and feel satisfied with it all, rather than to walk away thinking, do i really want to do this again? maybe i'm just not cut out for riding. but yeah, i'm super happy and content right now.

now.....i need to pack some things for the next two days in marion.....and then away kiera, katie, and i go!

Tue, 09 Jan 2007 16:22:26 GMT

friends-lock. :]

leave a comment if you want to be friends and i'll gladly add you.

day 1

Mon, 08 Jan 2007 20:46:46 GMT

i've had a couple other livejournal accounts. i've had a couple xanga accounts.

my goal for 2007 is to leave my past behind me.

i can't do that when my past stalks me on xanga.

and i'd like a fresh start with livejournal.

so....my birthday present to myself was a new, paid account.

happy birthday me!